Beauty and Grace

I like my coffee, and I make sure I get it at least a couple times a day. One of the guys in my office earnestly laid out a proposal once that I get a coffee maker to set up by my desk, so I could get more of it and not run out. He didn’t quite get it – as much as I like the coffee, what I really like is an excuse to get out of the office and break up the afternoon a bit. My regular afternoon coffee break is regular more for that reason than for any caffeine addiction.
So naturally, wherever I go to get my afternoon cuppa, I have a tendency to get to know the people who work there. My current regular stop is a Dunkin’ Donuts a few blocks down the road; when there isn’t a new person at the counter (which happens all too often, I’m afraid), they have my regular coffee ready for me before I say a word. This sometimes greatly impresses the other customers. I rather enjoy the efficiency myself, and I get to stretch my legs, see the sun for a few minutes, and go back to work with a fresh cup in hand.
But before I frequented this Dunkin’ Donuts, there was a little privately owned 7-11 type convenience store only two lots down from my office. It was one of those self serve places, so no chance of having my coffee ready for me…but still, the people who regularly worked the afternoon shift knew me. They greeted me with a friendly smile, and a hello. It was pleasant while the place managed to stay alive. One of the cashiers was a young girl, I’d say seventeen or eighteen, probably just out of high school or perhaps I only got to know her over the summer. She stuck in my mind for two reasons: first, she was kind of shy and quiet, and there is something ironically attention drawing about people who are shy in a public setting; second, she was beautiful. That, of course, got her a whole lot more attention than she was likely very comfortable with, from other customers. But since I was an older guy, and clearly not making any moves on her, she was particularly friendly with me. I was safe, kind of like an older uncle coming to visit. It annoyed the single guys who came there, since she would barely acknowledge them. It amused me that they didn’t get it.
Well, the place was doomed from the start really. Several stores had opened and closed there. The area was flooded with 7-11’s, Quick Checks, and Dunkin’ Donuts. The owner told me the rent was insane, and he wasn’t sure if he could stay open. They lasted about a year. When the place inevitably closed down, I missed the folks I got to know there, but honestly, they slipped from my mind quickly enough. That’s just the way those things go.
Some months went by, then a year. I hadn’t really thought about the place in a while, having adjusted to paying twice as much for my afternoon coffee. Until, one day, I stepped into the Dunkin’ Donuts, and one of the customers cheerfully greeted me, asked how I was doing, etc. It was a young girl, maybe eighteen or nineteen. She was hanging off the arm her boyfriend, wearing tight, tight jeans and a really skimpy blouse that showed a lot of skin. She was kind of pretty, nothing that would have attracted any extra attention. Frankly, the tone of how she was dressed overpowered any of her features – the volume was just too high. I politely greeted her in return, exchanged a few pleasantries, and bemusedly went on my way, wondering who she thought I was. The girl was a stranger to me, so I thought. It wasn’t until I was halfway back to the office that I realized her face was familiar, and that it was the cashier girl from the the old coffee shop that went out of business.
I was stunned. When she worked in the old shop, I had thought she was beautiful. It made no difference to me in the usual way between man and woman, because I was happily married, and she was a kid. But still, you don’t stop noticing such things because you aren’t inclined to act on them. But this new version of her I didn’t even recognize. The beauty was still there somewhere, I’m sure, but it was positively smothered by sexiness.The difference was nothing short of amazing, and, you know, it wasn’t a good one. She was a kid, and you have to expect kids to make some misjudgements as they grow up, but to me this one seemed particularly grievous. Perhaps her boyfriend liked her new look, but to my eyes, it was nothing but a loss.
What provokes someone to toss away a real gift, and trade it for glitter? How can mere sexy compare to true beauty and grace? And why did this particular incident bother me as much as it did? It’s not like this one girl is the only person to have ever fallen for that trap – the world is full of them. You only need to take a stroll in the local shopping mall when school is out to know what I’m talking about. I suppose in a way I started thinking of her like I really was her older uncle…but when push comes to shove, I was just a guy who bought coffee from her. It’s no business of mine, but I can’t help but grieve a little, and hope she comes to her senses before she makes any bigger mistakes.