Prisons of the Mind

Posted on May 17, 2015 by DHawthorne

Note: I am not a psychiatrist, psychologist, or any other kind of mental health professional. These are personal observations, not clinical studies (which would take volumes to cover properly anyway). They need to be taken in that light: I am sharing what I believe I have seen, in the hopes it may give my readers something to think about. My conclusions are my own, you can take them or leave them … or even better, make your own observation in the comments.

 

There is a type of person who is nearly always melancholy; they tend to look at things in the worst light, and can find the cloud for every silver lining. Others say they are being negative, but they believe they are just being realistic. They focus on unpleasant truths, and fail to consider that those are not the entire story. They may brush off unwarranted optimism, but they also brush off the reasonable version of optimism that gives people hope and a will to overcome. They do not overcome things, they endure them.

They are trapped in a prison of the mind. Often, they honestly can’t see past their negative viewpoint. Those not afflicted in the same way don’t understand: they think it is just an indulgence, something they could snap out of if they only tried. But it is a mental and emotional prison; not only do they not have the key to the prison door, they usually aren’t aware there even is a door. Offer them an escape, and they’ll tell you why it’s not possible, or why perhaps someone else can do it, but they cannot. They only see the world and their lives through this filter, and it has become their reality. A psychiatrist might call this mindset clinical depression, and mental health professionals will tell you it’s treatable. But often the afflicted isn’t looking for treatment, they are so caught up in their prison that they consider it their lot in life … it is how they are, and how they will always be.

 

There is another type of person that is relentlessly cheerful. They believe that if they have a positive attitude, it will create opportunities … and it works out that way often enough that they consider it axiomatic. But even when it does not, they believe their attitude will change the facts. They face the world with a bright and smiling face, and they laugh in the face of trouble. But it isn’t because they are especially brave, it is exactly the opposite: it is because they don’t want to admit that bad things might even happen. When a situation appears that they cannot gloss over, they avoid it or pretend it doesn’t exist. They flit through life like a butterfly tasting flower after flower without ever considering the dark things that lurk on the ground, or the hungry spider that could trap them at any time.

These are also trapped in a prison of the mind. Their world is circumscribed by denial, and they cannot face ugly truths. Their good cheer and positive attitude is a construct, and not healthy optimism. They typically cannot be budged from their “don’t worry, be happy,” attitude because they think the moment they stop being “positive,” bad things are going to happen. They cannot look beyond it, because to do so might bring their entire world crashing down.

 

Among Christians (and I imagine this exists in other faiths as well, but I have little experience there, so I’ll mainly stick to the Christian flavor), there is yet another type that I consider an odd mix of both of the above. They say “praise the Lord,” and “Amen!” to every good thing that happens, and “the Lord’s will be done” for every event that is bad or unpleasant. They cultivate an attitude and a lifestyle that matches what they believe constitutes being a “good Christian.” They do all the right things and they say all the right things, and if they slip up, they have an answer for that too. In some, it manifests as a strict and overbearing reaction to sin and repentance; in others, an overly carefree and indulgent attitude to behavior in which almost anything can go, as long as the proper forms are observed afterwards. I cannot possibly list all the observations I have made on this: it varies with every creed and denomination, and every church culture within those denominations. But each local gathering has its particular way of looking at things, and within those groups, variants of this type of person proliferate.

These too are in a prison of the mind. They have decided in their head what a Christian (or whatever their faith may be) looks like, and they bend themselves utterly to fit the mold. They will not challenge the way they see things and the way they react to things, because that might rock their very faith. This is the mindset that produces fanatics and hyper-zealots … it is not at all that they are strong in their faith and steadfast in their devotion, it is that they are afraid to stray from the path they have set for themselves, and they defend it like their very life. And to really be inclusive, even atheists can be like this – some are downright militant against people of faith, even when those people’s beliefs can’t possibly affect them. But whatever the system of belief may be, there are those who mold all their behavior around it, and can accept no challenges. Many Christians might take exception to me saying this, but it is not the object of their faith I am challenging, but the way they live it out.

 

All of these types of mental prisons have one thing in common: at some point in their lives, the people affected have come to an erroneous conclusion about life and how it works, and they have incorporated it into their personal world view. Enough has happened to reinforce that view and strengthen it, to the point they cannot see outside it. I have given just a few examples really; it is prevalent almost to the point of being universal. Think of your conspiracists, anti-whatever crowds, fanatics … even seemingly innocent things like brand (or organization) loyalty. People are trapped by this, all the time. And some are trapped so utterly that it would take something cataclysmic to snap them out of it.

But what is the answer to dealing with this problem, short of such a catastrophe? Simply put, if not simply realized, it’s right thinking. The start is in realizing your thinking has somehow gone wrong. In many cases, you cannot do this without outside opinion: someone besides yourself, and not in your normal circles, pointing it out to you. Then, when it is pointed out, you have the obligation to yourself to evaluate what was said, however unpleasant, to see if it’s true. It’s always possible that this other might be the one that’s wrong, so you have to be careful, but you must accept the possibility they are seeing something you cannot. Then (oh, this is so easy to write, and so hard to do), determine where you have gone wrong and correct it. You must actively seek the truth, and not simply rest on what you currently perceive as true. And only then can you even begin to break out of the prison and truly live free.

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Making a Change

Posted on January 14, 2015 by DHawthorne

It’s traditional at the start of a new year to think about making changes in one’s life, but it’s been my experience that people seem to concentrate on relatively trivial things when the last digit on the date changes. The big changes, the ones that redirect lives, aren’t likely to be limited to the new year. And often, people seem to want to make them all at once, in a wrenching cataclysm that upturns their entire life. they say things like “I want to make a fresh start,” or “I need to re-invent myself,” then they systematically upturn everything they have build their lives upon so far, so they can do, or be, something different.

In 1965, Eliot Jaques coined the term “midlife crisis” in his article for the International Journal of Psychoanalysis titled, “Death and the Midlife Crisis”. We don’t hear much on the topic these days, but I remember it being a hot topic in the 80’s and 90’s. I knew a man at the time who had a beautiful young wife and a new baby. He had just built their dream home, completely customized exactly how they wanted it. Only a few years later, I found that he had abandoned it all and was living in a trailer. He had a new sports car (a Ferrari, no less), but his wife he left struggling to raise their child and pay for the house on her own. When I talked to him about it (I never asked, he volunteered the information), he never tried to justify his actions or even explain them, he only said that he needed to make a change. He clearly thought that was justification enough. To me, it exemplified what people are talking about when they speak of midlife crises, and I have thought about him a lot.

The conclusion I came to is a bit different than what the psychologists believe. I think this man had built his life around a whole set of expectations and cultural pressures: he married, started a family, and built his home based on what he believed was right and proper for a person of his station to do. But once he had it all, he realized it wasn’t what he wanted, and he wasn’t happy with any of it. So he tossed it all aside, not knowing any better way to change things, and started over. It only happened to occur in his “midlife” years because that’s how long it took for him to realize how miserable he was living what amounted to a life constructed around things that didn’t actually matter to him. This is common. Well-meaning parents, teachers, and mentors impose on their charges the things that worked for them, without considering how different both the person and their circumstances are, or how different the times are that they live in.

What is more in vogue today is to talk about “re-inventing” yourself. Browse the Internet on issues of self-help, stress management, or anxiety disorders, and you will find story after story of people who gave up good careers and high-rolling lifestyles to pursue their “real” dreams. Maybe they became artists or craftsmen instead of bankers and executives, but they all amount to the same thing: they were unhappy and made a change. All these stories have a similar theme: “be true to yourself.” But I think all of it is exactly the same as the “midlife” crisis I described. People spend their formative years and early adulthood trying to attain the lifestyle they were taught was good for them. When they have it, they realize they were taught wrong, and they want to change course. It doesn’t strictly apply to career and lifestyle changes either, it could be religious practices or relationships, it could be dealing with a health issue. But they have come to the conclusion that what they have isn’t working, and they want or need something different.

Change is not a bad thing, and, in fact, it’s, more often than not, a necessary thing. But I can’t believe that it always needs to be a cataclysmic thing. There are times when a person needs to make a clean and complete break from the life they have in order to start a new one, but that circumstance doesn’t describe most people’s lives. In fact, it’s rare, unless the situation is dangerous or abusive. Most life changes only require a measured and incremental response … and even more so when others are involved. I’m willing to bet the man I described who abandoned his family could have found a happy and fulfilling life without running away from those who depended on him (and the jury is out whether he ever found it at all, I lost contact with him years ago). It would have taken more time, and more work on his part, and there would have been no instant gratification, but he could have done it. Most of the time, when a person thinks the change they want must be dramatic and must be complete, what is really happening is they lack the knowledge and skills to change any other way. And that, in turn, almost guarantees that they will either make the wrong changes, hurt themselves in the process, hurt others in the process, or any combination of the three (the exception, of course, being that when not making an immediate and complete change will hurt themselves or others). And more likely than not, it won’t be a real change, and the things they thought they were leaving behind wind up following them in every endeavor they engage in afterwards.

So then, how do we change our lives? I don’t claim expertise on this subject, but I do have some ideas I think are valid. And I am very convinced that meaningful change can only happen if we do it carefully and responsibly.

First, we have to change how we think. I had a dog when I was a teenager that we kept in a fenced pen along the back of the house. There was an eight-foot fence at the edge of that pen, and that dog could make a standing jump and be head and shoulders over the top of the fence. Our yard, on the the other hand, had a four-foot fence around it. On the occasions that we let him out of the pen to have the run of the yard, he never once tried to jump the smaller fence. If he could almost clear an eight-foot fence from a standing jump, he could have certainly, and easily, cleared a four-foot fence from a running start. But he never tried. He sometimes put his front paws on the edge and leaned over it to bark at the neighbor, but he never tried to jump it. He didn’t believe he could. Likewise, we often limit the things we attempt in life because somewhere along the line we determined we could not succeed. Now matter how badly we want to get To change that, we have to carefully and reasonably measure what we really can do, and what is just a false belief that we can’t. We are never going to get over the small fence if we refuse to consider it’s any different from the big one. If we can’t change how we think about our ability to succeed, we will never change that the facts of our success either. That goes for less lofty goals too. We can never be successful at anything at all if we never attempt it because we are defeated before we even try.

I feel it’s important to add that I am definitely not saying that you can do anything you set your heart on if you just believe in yourself. Hollywood would have you believe that, and it’s escapist fantasy. I’m talking about the way you look at yourself, and the actions that grow out of it. My dog probably could have learned to get over both of those fences with a bit of guidance, but he never would have learned how to open the gate that I strapped closed with one of his old collars. His paws did not have the dexterity to undo the buckle, and it was in too tight of a space for him to get his jaws around to chew through it. No amount of belief would have overcome those things. When it comes to what you can do, your beliefs have to be based in fact. How you feel and act, however, you have much more control over.

Second, we have to change the way we react to things. This is a bit more subtle, but I think it’s closely related to the change of thinking. It isn’t enough to tell yourself you are capable of succeeding in an endeavor, no matter how true it is that you can, if every time you are faced with an opportunity to do so, you turn away. Consider a person with a volatile temper, and let’s say they have gotten far enough to understand that they will be more pleasant to be around if they stop snapping at people. That’s a necessary start, but every time someone annoys them, their engrained reaction is going to be to blow up at them. When that happens, it reinforces the old thought habits, and pretty soon they are back to believing they just can’t do it. Personally, I think this is the hardest stage, but when the temper flares, they have to recognize what is happening and shut that reaction down before it takes hold. There are going to be a lot of failures here, but a person with a temper has to fully understand that their reaction isn’t always appropriate, and trust themselves that they really can deal with it in a better way. It’s doubly hard when anger is the appropriate reaction, and they need to go ahead and be angry, but still not lash out at the things that don’t warrant it. But when you can learn to change the way you react to situations, you know you have truly learned to think about them a different way.

Last, we have to change what we do. If it’s a behavioral change we are looking for, we change how we act. If it’s a life change we want, we carefully plan how to make the change and start doing the things it requires. If we get the cart before the horse and start changing actions before changing our thoughts and reactions, it’s possible to manage the change, but it’s much more likely we will only change our circumstances, and not what we didn’t like about them in the first place. But the converse is also true … if we only change our thoughts, but not our actions or circumstances, then we haven’t really changed, have we?

Another essential consideration is that many changes, especially the big ones, require us to have help: good counsel (sometimes professional counsel), support, encouragement, etc. No one on this planet can do anything more than simply survive, and often not even that, without the aid of others. We are social creatures, and we need each other (some more, and some less, and as a person who tends very strongly towards being solitary, I do not say that lightly). Many, many, times a person won’t even consider changing if not for the influence of someone they love or respect. Very often, an objective perspective is what is needed to overcome a personal roadblock, and your own view of it, by definition, can never be objective. Even more often, others have resources that you do not, but you need to accomplish your goal. The list goes on and on, but I can’t emphasize this enough: don’t try to go it alone, or you’ll almost certainly fail.

The bottom line is, we have to be smart about making changes. Thoughtful and gradual changes are most likely to be effective in the long term, and less traumatic to get through. We can all be better than we are, and no one is going to get there who is unwilling to change. But no one is going to get there by doing it badly either.

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The Cross and the Cradle

Posted on December 25, 2014 by DHawthorne

It’s Christmas morning as I begin this post, it’s nice and peaceful, and I’m feeling content. I tend to get contemplative on Christmas (see my other posts at The Wonder of Christmas, and Christmas is for Kids?), and today is no exception. But I am mostly thinking about last night on Christmas Eve.

My new church (First Baptist Church, Red Bank) had a lovely Christmas Eve service: there was a children’s pageant, lots of carols, and the traditional candle-light singing of “Silent Night.” But what I found most meaningful was that they also served communion … a time where we specifically remember Christ’s suffering and death.

You see, the cradle of the incarnation cannot be separated from the cross. The very reason that Christ needed to be born in the first place was so that He could die for our sin. We sing the carols, we enjoy the pageants, the lights, the colors and sounds and music; and all of them are wonderful and joyous. Yet there is a somber foreshadowing in what Simeon said to Mary in Luke 2:34-35: “34Then Simeon blessed them, and said to Mary His mother, ‘Behold, this Child is destined for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign which will be spoken against 35(yes, a sword will pierce through your own soul also), that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.'” He was born to take away our sin (1 John 3:5) and sorrow (Isa. 35:10); and to do it, He had to die. That is why we celebrate Christmas in the first place.

So, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, but I invite you to also remember the cross. We rejoice in our Lord’s great love, and all that it means for us. He was humbled (Phil. 2:8), that we might be free and enjoy Him forever.

 

Three Trees
Christmas 2014

Bare branches stretch against a deep blue starry twilight sky,
Their beauty sharp and bracing in the cold December air.
A wintry heart looks on them and sees only sorrow there –
But He who made the trees and stars hears every languid sigh …

Within, another tree’s aglow with colored lights and cheer;
Its branches full and green and bright with tokens of the season.
About it children laugh and play – they need no greater reason
Than joy of life and love and fun, unmatched throughout the year.

And on a hill, an empty cross, the final Christmas tree
Stands laden with the Promise of redemption for our race;
Both sorrowful and joyous, all find peace in His embrace,
Whose birth and death and life have opened all eternity.

Copyright © 2014 David B. Hawthorne

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Christianity By Rote

Posted on November 9, 2014 by DHawthorne

Miriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines the word “rote” as, “the use of memory usually with little intelligence.” In my mind, I have always associated it with unthinking repetition, which is pretty close to that definition … so I have always been baffled when Christians appear to try to live their faith that way.

Take, for example, a conversation I saw on Facebook not long ago (I’m not going to link it, I’d rather not publicly call out the participants, and that part isn’t important). The original post was from a person who asked what Christians ought to do about lustful thoughts. The very first response was a picture of a runner, and a reference to 2 Timothy 2:22 – “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” The next response was something on the order of, “But isn’t that just a temporary solution? What about long term?” And the answer given to that was to look at the second part of that verse, and replace the bad behavior with good.

Most Christians would find nothing wrong with those responses, and would consider them good advice. Almost all would nod and agree, “yes, that is what you must do.” Not a few would be silently condemning the original poster in their minds for having such a problem in the first place, and equal number would be determining to show this person loving condescension, that he might turn from his sinful ways.

I think all of them are wrong.

First, the context of 2 Timothy 2 needs to be considered. Paul was writing to a young pastor – he wasn’t giving advice to Timothy on how to dig his way out of a crippling emotional habit, he was telling him to avoid it in the first place. Likewise, in verse 23 he told him in the same vein to avoid useless quarrels … and in neither case is there any evidence whatsoever that Timothy was either prone to argumentativeness or embroiled in lusts. This was advice to never get into those kinds of trouble, not advice on how to get out of them (Rom. 13:14 is similar, I think). But Christians often take such verses out of their context, and wield them like a club on anyone who steps out of line. Throwing Bible verses at someone is not some kind of magic bullet, and falls squarely in the category described in Col. 2:23 – “These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh.” It seems like great advice, and everyone goes along with it because it looks good at first glance, but it is not going to help anyone struggling with lust … or any other sin problem.

In other words, the Christians giving advice in this instance were exercising Christianity by rote. They saw the word “lust” and reflexively fired back with 2 Timothy 2:22 … whether or not it was appropriate. They saw sinful behavior, that much was correct, but they essentially gave knee-jerk advice for overcoming it. Problems like that cannot be solved on Facebook, and no one should even try. They should have sent him to someone who could take the time to ask why he was having this problem. Was he afraid or anxious, and looking for something to drown it out? Was he seeking comfort from an emotional or spiritual injury? Was he depressed, and looking for anything to make him feel better? Was he rebelling against an over structured or demanding situation? Was he stressed, and grasping for whatever relief he could find? Was he not even a believer, and therefore lacking the necessary help from the Holy Spirit? All of those are spiritual problems that need a spiritual solution, and they all boil down to sin of one sort or another, but the sin everyone sniped at is not the real problem, it’s secondary. It’s not a simple issue, and it’s not a simple problem that can be solved by simplistic answers.

But the worst part, in my mind, is that ducking behind simplistic, rote responses is that they are ways to train the flesh in a certain type of behavior. They are not instruction on how to grow in the Lord and how to rely on His Spirit. Look at what it says in Hebrews 7:16-19 – who has come, not according to the law of a fleshly commandment, but according to the power of an endless life. For He testifies: ‘YOU ARE A PRIEST FOREVER ACCORDING TO THE ORDER OF MELCHIZEDEK.’ For on the one hand there is an annulling of the former commandment because of its weakness and unprofitableness, for the law made nothing perfect; on the other hand, there is the bringing in of a better hope, through which we draw near to God. Rote responses are just a new, man-made law. Many of them are actually based on the Old Testament Law. And the Law, as explained by the writer of Hebrews, is a fleshly mechanism. It does not, it cannot, truly make a person spiritual. Only the work of Christ can, and the changing of a life (2 Cor. 5:16-17, Gal. 6:15). To use one of my examples from above, what if our lustful person was that way out of fear and anxiety? He needs to identify his fears, and be reminded that God’s love can overcome his fears (1 John 4:18). He may need help identifying those fears, and almost certainly needs help understanding how God can bring him through them. He is also likely to need a little hand-holding as he faces those fears and learns to remove their power from his life. Once that is settled, the lust will almost certain be something he can simply walk away from, because he no longer is driven to it by deeper issues. But you can’t get to that place by rote, only by growing in the Lord and defusing whatever fleshliness hinders you.

We come to the Lord by faith, and we claim His righteousness by faith. So we need to live by faith, not falling back on fleshly responses to fleshly problems (Gal. 2:16, Gal. 2:19-21, Gal. 3:2-3). Let’s get rid of this entire Christianity by rote thing and truly become what Christ has meant us to be.

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Walking in the Spirit

Posted on September 28, 2014 by DHawthorne

One of the most difficult things for a believer to learn, in my opinion, is how to separate our own thoughts and desires from those of the Holy Spirit. Many Christians are downright glib about saying things like, “The Lord told me this,” or “The Lord laid this on my heart,” when really they mean to say they have a strong conviction of their own about it. Now, it’s entirely possible that the thought or conviction they are speaking of really did come from the Lord, and I would not say such things never do. But I will say that some people make that claim all too easily. I knew a woman once, many years ago, who told me that the first time she laid eyes on the man that was to be her husband, that the Lord “told her” she was to marry him. All sorts of alarms went off in my head, because I wasn’t so sure myself that they should have been together, but at that point, they were already married, and she was speaking of the past. But they didn’t last more than a few years, and when they broke up, she was just as convinced that was the Lord’s will as well. Clearly, she was utterly mistaken in at least one of those cases, and probably both.

But I have a more personal example. When I was a teenager, I decided that the Lord was calling me to full-time ministry. I thought about it, I prayed about it, and I came to the conclusion He wanted me to be a pastor. I shifted my high school studies away from the sciences and math courses that I most excelled in, and graduated a year early (handily short-circuiting several scholarship opportunities while I was at it). I applied to a Bible college, and was accepted. When asked how I was going to pay for it, I said, “I’m trusting the Lord for that,” and I was lauded for my “faith” and encouraged. But a week before admissions, I had to call the school and cancel. The money never came, and I hadn’t a dollar to spare for it. So, I then concluded the Lord meant me to work for a year first. The pattern repeated itself – the time came, the money did not, and I had to cancel my enrollment again. I was barely making enough money to pay bills, let alone put myself through college.

I was bitterly disappointed, and my faith was shaken. I slipped into a funk that went on a few years. I was now sharing an apartment with a friend, and things were starting to look up financially, so I prayed again about full-time ministry. This time, I concluded I was going to go into missions. I had spent a few summers in the past working for Child Evangelism Fellowship and a Christian camp, and I realized I wasn’t really cut out for preaching on corners and such, so I determined I’d go on the field as a pilot for Mission Aviation Fellowship. I started taking flying lessons, and was about half way to the first milestone of getting a private pilot’s license when my roommate announced he was getting married. That was the end of spare cash for lessons, and another idea had to be set aside.

It was about this time that I was absolutely forced to consider that God didn’t want for me what I thought He wanted. After all, if it was His desire for me to be in full-time ministry, wouldn’t He have provided for it? I was feeling rather bitter about my failures so far, to be honest, and spent a lot of time seeking His will about it. When the answer came, it was a shock to me, and a blow; it was as if God said, “What if I want you serving me out in the world?”

It took me decades to understand why. You see, I grew up in a sheltered, almost cloistered environment. It was never that God wanted me in full-time ministry – it was that I was afraid of stepping out into the cruel and ugly world, and I wanted to stay in a sheltered Christian environment. In other words, it was what I wanted, not what God wanted. But I put a good Christian face on my desires, and expected God to make them happen. On the other hand, God wanted me to grow in ways I never would have pursued on my own, and He pretty much had to force me to do it.

The Bible verse that springs to mind when I think of this is I John 4:1 – “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” Many people will only apply what this verse says to social trends and cultural issues. But how do social trends and cultural issues start, and how do they propagate? They do both in people hearts … they start as ideas, they grow into convictions, right or wrong, and they get spread to those who are either already of like mind or are convinced to be of like mind. That’s how spiritual influences work, in the hearts of individuals (Pro. 4:24). They are intangible, and manifest as thoughts. But we can’t always tell where those thoughts came from. If it’s a horrible thought, we don’t usually think it came from God, we blame ourselves for it. But it may have come from some malign spirit, not from ourselves at all. In an ironic twist, when a “good” thought comes to us, we don’t like to think it came from our self, we want to say it came from God. The truth is, though, thoughts come from all three places, God, Satan, and our own selves. And if we are to walk in the Spirit of God, we have to learn to tell the difference.

There are some tools God has given us to master that kind of discernment, and none of them are quick and easy to learn.

First of all, we have to be very familiar with what the Word of God says. It was said of the Bereans, that when Paul came to them with teachings they weren’t familiar with, they “searched the Scriptures daily,” to see if they were true. That is neither a trivial nor a simple undertaking. It takes years to become familiar enough with Scripture to get an immediate sense of what accords with it, and what does not. In the meanwhile, you have to depend on others who know Scripture better than you do, and this presents another problem – what if the person you are depending on doesn’t know the Bible as well as you thought they did? The answer to that is you can never settle for letting other people do the learning for you. You have to learn yourself, you have to be able to question what you think you already know, and constantly be able to re-evaluate what you already know with what you learn. In other words, you have to grow in your knowledge of Scripture, and you have to keep growing in it, or you are eventually going to settle into a false sense of it that will lead you into error.

Secondly, we have to spend time in prayer. By that, I do not mean having a monolog with God, where we spill all our ideas before him, and never take the time to consider what He may be giving back. We have to learn to be quiet in His presence (I Kings 19:12-13). We have to be steadfast in prayer, and never stop doing it (I Thess. 5:17). But mostly, we have to listen. God has promised us wisdom (James 1:5), and knowledge to live a life that pleases Him (Col. 1:9-12). We aren’t going to get either if we don’t take the time to learn from Him.

Third, we need to be able to bounce our ideas off of other believers, learn their opinions on what we say, and evaluate whether we have gotten it right or not. It’s far too easy to isolate oneself, and creep into an error that we cannot see without someone else pointing it out (Pro. 27:17). This is also important, though not exactly on topic, for encouragement and generally helping each other out in living the Christian life (Heb. 10:25). I cannot begin to state the times I thought I had a brilliant idea, and my wife shot it down, helping me to see what I overlooked. But, like the rest, there is a possibility of danger in this as well. If any time someone shares an idea with fellow believers and gets shot down for it, or has it condescendingly set aside, an opportunity for growth has been short-circuited. There is a way to correct someone gently, and one must never assume it is always the other person that needs correction. Sometimes it’s you.

The bottom line is we have to be able to discern not only what we believe, but why we believe it. We have to be able to identify where our thoughts come from, and whether they are from God, from ourselves, or from someone else. And to do that, we need to know who God is, and what He is like, so we can properly test those thoughts. It isn’t enough that an idea feels right, it has to be right, to the best of our ability to evaluate it … and we have to continually upgrade that ability. It’s an ongoing process that won’t be finished until we are face-to-face with our Savior, and until then, some things will always be murky (I Cor. 13:12). So, knowing that, we need to commit ourselves to the learning. We need to practice letting go of self, and letting Him guide us. Then, knowing Him, we can distinguish what His voice is among all the noises of our daily lives. Then will we be able to walk in the Spirit and be guided by Him.

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Announcement: Branching Out

Posted on September 14, 2014 by DHawthorne

My most recent post was the last of the “Focus On Grace” reprints. I’ve been mixing in a few new items while I was posting them, but decided to get them all online, and that is accomplished (I’m not writing for the newsletter anymore, Feb. 2014 was my final article). I probably won’t be able to keep up a weekly posting schedule, though I am going to try, without sweating it so much that I wind up forcing it and posting sub-par articles just to get something up. I have a number of posts in the works, some longer than others … which is another thing, I am no longer limited by the print article size, so new posts won’t be constrained by the 1000 word target I had for the newsletter. Since “Focus On Grace” was a church newsletter, those articles were necessarily religious in nature. I will still be making posts in a similar vein, but will also be making more new posts like the ones prior to the “Focus On Grace” reprints. I may also tackle some things that wouldn’t have been appropriate for a church newsletter. We’ll see, to what degree.

This is an opinion blog, and I don’t care to pretend it’s anything else. My opinion is neither more nor less important than anyone else’s, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise on that matter either. My goal is simply to poke at the equilibrium and invite people to look at things in a different way. I’ll probably accomplish that to various degrees for different people, which is all I really expect. I’m not looking for conversions to my point of view, and I absolutely welcome dissenting opinions, as long as they are in the spirit of dialog, and not pedantic declarations. I have, after all, been known to jump to false conclusions myself from time to time, and I imagine it will happen again. A terribly great many people accept things as fact that are not, simply because it’s been repeated so often to them, and they are predisposed to accept them. If you are stuck on your own viewpoint and unwilling to shift it for any reason, you probably won’t enjoy this blog. Knowing the truth is much like sanctification in the Christian life … it’s a journey of growth. But the moment we assume we are “grown,” we, in fact, stop growing. I do not want that for myself, nor for anyone else.

So, I’ll be branching out from here, including more commentary on current events, and probably throwing some things up that I find interesting, and maybe others do not. I can’t judge that very well unless I get feedback, and I hope some of you will do that. There have been some comments on Facebook to some of my posts, and that’s OK, but I would prefer people use the comment system in the blog. Facebook posts get lost so quickly, after all, and this way your comments and feedback will be linked to the actual post. So, I hope everyone enjoys the blog, and is willing to slog through the drivel; there may be a few gems in there after all.

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Regret (Focus On Grace, February 2014)

Posted on August 31, 2014 by DHawthorne

In late 2013, a movie was released titled, “About Time.” I haven’t seen it, but I did see a preview, and I found the premise intriguing. In it, a young man discovers that he can travel in time – he can’t change history, and he doesn’t go back bodily to whatever point he is traveling to, but instead he can relive any moment in his own life and do it differently. In effect, any time he made a mistake or had a regret, he could go back and fix it.

Try to imagine what it would be like to have such an ability. First of all, it wouldn’t matter how risk-averse a person you were, you could take any risk that wouldn’t kill you outright; if it didn’t pay out, you could just go back and try something else. Awkward social moment? Take back that silly thing you said or did, and it’s gone like it never happened. To anyone else, you would appear to be perfect and utterly polished, because they could never see your errors and how you learned from them, only the final result. I can certainly think of one or two choices I’ve made in my life that I would love to go back and re-make.

But it’s a work of fiction, and no one can do-over the errors in their life like that. God is a giver of second, third, and however many chances we need. He will allow us, sometimes, to revisit an issue and make a better choice. He takes away the sting of sin and shame. But He doesn’t let us do things over like they never happened the first time. Which, of course, often leaves us with regrets that linger in the recesses of our hearts, and sometimes torment us with thoughts of might-have-beens. And I’m sure that’s exactly what the writer of that screenplay was thinking: that we all have regrets and would love to have a way to erase them.

One verse that people often fall back on when struggling with something in their life, but outside their control, is Romans 8:28 – “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” God’s hand is never shortened (Isaiah 59:1), and His power is complete wherever He chooses to exercise it (Job 42:2). But the concept also applies to mistakes we make, and even outright sins we commit. In Genesis 37:37, 39-50 we can read a perfect example of this. Joseph, the son of Israel, was a favorite of his father, and his brothers were jealous. So they attacked him out in the wilderness, and sold him into slavery. He ended up in Egypt, suffered quite a few trials, but eventually came up on top of them … just in time to be able to save the brothers who sold him, and the rest of his family, from starvation in a famine. To quote Joseph, when he was reconciled with his brothers and his family safe, in Gen 50:20, “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” They meant evil. Everyone knew it, and Joseph pulled no punches. Yet God turned it into good. And God’s nature never changes; He wants good for His people, and I don’t believe He is ever going to let us mess that up.

Yet people still struggle with regret. The age-old question is, “Yes, but what if I hadn’t sinned? What if I hadn’t done that stupid thing? How much better would things have been?” We often wish we could do it over, like the guy in the movie. But I have to respond to that with another question, “Why waste your time on things you cannot change?” It’s pointless speculation to think that way. We can’t change the past, but God’s purposes will always be accomplished because they depend on Him, not us. Regret is like guilt – it can poison your life if you let it … so don’t let it! God is not baffled about what to do with your mistakes, He can work them out, and He promised He will.

I think the final words on regret are those of the apostle Paul in Philippians 3:13-14 – “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” That’s our proper response to regret. We don’t dwell on our past, we press on. Of course, we cannot blithely continue in sin and error, (Rom. 6:1-14), but we if we make a mistake, we bring it to the Lord, then put it behind us. We must remember, Christ died to give us His righteousness. We do not need to live any part of our lives over again to “get it right,” for our God will make it right, even if we stumble along the way. So let us put all regret and sorrow aside, rejoice in our Savior always, and go on with our lives joyfully. For His grace is greater than all our sin, and regrets.

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When the Holy Spirit Works (Focus On Grace, January 2014)

Posted on August 24, 2014 by DHawthorne

In 1990, two men were having a discussion about spirituality and maturity in men, and between them decided that the most important factor in attaining those ideals was discipleship. They formed a men’s discipleship group from that initial idea, laid down some basic tenets, and got to work inviting men to their group. By 1993, the movement that sprang from that group attracted 50,000 men to a single rally. By 1995, they drew more than ¾ of a million men to 13 conferences; in 1997 they had nearly 800,000 at a single event at the National Mall in Washington DC. But four months later, they laid off their entire office staff for financial reasons. By 2000, they were canceling rallies altogether, and they largely fell out of public awareness. That movement, if you haven’t guessed by now, is Promise Keepers. They are still around, and they still hold to their commitment to disciple men in what they consider a godly and Biblical fashion, but as a movement, they have been severely curtailed.

I remember well when Promise Keepers was at its height. It was very well-regarded at the church I attended, and a great many godly people saw their success as something like a mirror of what happened with the first Church on Pentecost. People believed it was surely the Holy Spirit at work, as was “clearly” evidenced by the movement’s growth and success. But public criticisms were growing at the same rate. Some claimed they too quickly embraced religious organizations that did not follow Biblical teaching, though Promise Keepers leadership explained that they only accepted those who expressed a faith in Christ, whatever their background. They endorsed materials that were not solidly based on Scripture (the most cited being “The Masculine Journey: Understanding Six Stages of Manhood.” by Dr. Robert Hicks, which, among other things, supposedly claimed David was a manic-depressive, and Jesus was a sinner, tempted by homosexuality). Some of the leadership of Promise Keepers even claimed they were modern-day prophets who received direct revelations from God. Yet, their doctrinal statement, which has not changed substantially since their inception, appears orthodox.

So, was Promise Keepers truly a movement founded and led by the Holy Spirit? I don’t think you can give a simple answer to that. There were definitely a lot of men challenged and encouraged to live more godly lives than they would have if not for their involvement in the movement. But a parable taught by Christ jumps immediately to mind whenever I think of what happened to Promise Keepers. In Matthew 13:31-32 we read, “… He put forth to them, saying: ‘The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and sowed in his field, 32 which indeed is the least of all the seeds; but when it is grown it is greater than the herbs and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and nest in its branches.’” The mustard plant is at best, a shrub. It does not grow into trees. The kind of growth Jesus talks about here, for a mustard seed, is unnatural. Some Bible scholars say that this represents the work of the Holy Spirit, causing growth and prosperity that nature alone would not provide. But, the thing that makes me think, “maybe not,” is that last line about the birds of the air nesting in its branches. In Scripture, when it’s not a reference to literal birds, this is an indication of evil spirits (see Luke 8:5, where the birds of the air devour the seed which represents the word of God). I think Christ was warning His people in Matthew of sin (the following parable reinforces this idea), and to be cautious when something gets so big that the evil is mixed in with the good, and might eventually bring it down (See also Matt. 13:36-42).

One thing that caused people to assume the Holy Spirit was at work with Promise Keepers was that there was a strong sense of positive emotion associated with it. Galatians 5:22-23 tells us that, “… the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” Such fruit in a person’s life should bring forth a wealth of good emotion and a profound sense of well-being. But there is a difficulty, I think, when we look to positive emotional experiences and assume them to be an indication the event that produced those feelings is the work of the Holy Spirit. Just because we have the same emotional response to something as we do to the Spirit’s work in us doesn’t necessarily mean that whatever promoted those feelings came from God. In other words, when God has truly taken hold of your life, it can feel great, but that doesn’t mean that everything that feels great is from God. This is one reason, I think, that we have to be careful about Christian movements that look, at first glance, like they came from the Lord. The movement may very well have started out from Him, but if those involved manage to focus on the same favorable emotional responses as a measure of the Spirit’s working, they can drift very far from Him without realizing it. First impressions also play into this dynamic. If your first look at something shows it to be something good and godly, you might not take a second or third look into it and see its flaws. If given too high a status, emotional responses can dampen if not deaden discernment.

Another problem is tradition. Our modern American culture is polarized by traditions; we either cling to them or reject them utterly. But both responses are wrong. Things should be judged by their actual merits, not how widely they are accepted or rejected. But Christians tend to cling to what they were taught when they first came to Christ. Sometimes, there are subtle issues with those early teachings, or even outright errors, and a believer might never challenge what they were first taught, or what they have become comfortable with. Yet if it turns out what the Bible says goes against what you were once taught, you had better challenge it yourself. And you must also be wary that when someone confidently says to you, “this is what the Bible teaches,” that it is really what the Bible teaches. Many respected Bible scholars disagree on quite a lot of Biblical points. Some of them, almost certainly all of them, must be wrong about something, or there would never be any basis for disagreement. We always have to be open to the possibility that our understanding of Scripture might be wrong, and also be open to the Spirit teaching us better.

Like in the parable of the wheat and the tares, I think movements like Promise Keepers most likely started with a mix of good seed and bad; God was at work, but Satan saw an opportunity in human flaws to plant his own seeds. This is a possibility in any work of the Holy Spirit among humanity. Even the church itself, which is one work of the Spirit that never died down since the day our Lord instituted it, has suffered the corrupting influence of the “birds of the air.” And the only defense we have as individuals from being subject to that corrupting influence is to make sure we honestly and sincerely fall back on Scripture, letting the Holy Spirit guide us anew and freshly, so that we do not spin off into error ourselves.

We need to pray daily that God leads us, and we do not begin to lead ourselves. We need to study Scripture carefully and diligently, and never assume we know everything there is to know about a passage or a teaching. We need to be sure that we are doing things because they are right, and not just because they feel right. In other words, rather than leaning to our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5b) or putting our trust in man and making flesh our strength (Jeremiah 17:5), we need to truly follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, trusting in the Lord with all our heart (Proverbs 3:5a; Jeremiah 17:7).

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The Wonder of Christmas (Focus on Grace 2013)

Posted on August 17, 2014 by DHawthorne

Note: I debated with myself waiting for December to republish this, but decided instead to preserve the original publication order instead. So it’s a tad out-of-season, appearing here in August. Well, stores have “Christmas in July,” so why not? If nothing else, it’s something to thing about before the holidays come this year.

Since I was a teenager, I’ve had mixed feelings about the Christmas holiday season. When I was very small, it was a wondrous time. My brothers and I would be excited beyond all reason about what presents we were going to get, but it wasn’t just that … the entire atmosphere of the season captivated me. I loved the music, the colored lights and decorations; I could spend hours staring at the Christmas tree, pretending I was a three-inch tall elf living in the branches. Even at school, there were special programs and a pervading sense of anticipation. There were also all the TV specials … in all, it was a great time for me. But something changed as I got older. Most likely, I only became more perceptive, but I began to realize that in my family, form was more important than function. Certain things had to be done a certain way for Christmas to be done “properly,” and there was an air of anxious urgency to every tradition. Christmas day itself was the worst; dinner was a big, fancy affair … the good china came out, the silver had to be polished, and every detail had to be perfect. But actually enjoying the holiday was not necessary, and the amount of yelling and screaming that seemed to be required to put all the details in order was somehow expected to be set aside at the last moment so we could be a “happy family” enjoying the day. We were living out a fantasy of how things ought to be, and woe to anyone who disrupted it.

Christmas Day eventually got to be so miserable for me, that as soon as I was old enough, I found ways to not spend it at home. I begged friends to invite me over for the day. I usually let my parents believe I was pursuing some young lady, which seemed to be enough to let me off the hook for staying at home, but the truth was I was only escaping. I usually told the young ladies involved exactly what was going on; they were conspirators with me to get me out of the house, but there were no romances, just friends helping me out. And that went on until I was a young adult and finally able to get my own place and make my own holiday traditions.

I thought I had escaped at that point. But Christmas had lost it’s wonder for me. It didn’t help that although my parents never completely left Christ out of the holiday, their celebrations were mostly secular in nature. And I discovered that I had not only taken that attitude with me when forming my own holiday patterns, but I had taken the anxious urgency of getting it all “just so,” as well. Setting aside the secular outlook took years, but the anxiety I still struggle with. It’s been muted and tempered over the decades, but my tendency remains to rush about so much preparing, that I have difficulty enjoying the celebration itself of Christ’s birth.

And I am not alone in this. For many Christians, the holiday season is the busiest time of the year. There are special functions and church services, there are community events and entertainment specials. There is the home decorating, and the workplace decorating, and for some, the church decorating. There is gift shopping, the family affairs, the visiting of relatives you never otherwise see, and them visiting you. For families with children, there’s juggling timetables and “Mom’s Taxi Service” for all the various school events and extracurricular activities. There are expectations to be met, and the holidays must be as perfect as people can make them. But how much of all that activity actually promotes worship and praise for the One whose birth the season is supposed to be celebrating?

An important point I feel it necessary to emphasize is that everyone’s threshold of busy-ness (the point at which the act of doing things overshadows the point of doing them) is different. Mine is fairly low. But people who are blessed with a lot of energy can do a lot of different things without them becoming overwhelming. Yet, I have observed that many don’t stop there. They keep right on going until, like my parents’ celebrations, the things that “must be done” are given so much emphasis that they wind up taking priority over everything else.

Luke 2:1-20 says, 1And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. 2This census first took place while Quirinius was governing Syria. 3So all went to be registered, everyone to his own city. 4Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, 5to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child. 6So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered. 7And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. 8Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. 9And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. 10Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. 11For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.” 13And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: 14“Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!” 15So it was, when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds said to one another, “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.” 16And they came with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the Babe lying in a manger. 17Now when they had seen Him, they made widely known the saying which was told them concerning this Child. 18And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds. 19But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told them.

I believe that the focus of the holiday season should be exactly what the shepherds did in verse 20: to glorify God and praise Him for what He did in sending His son to earth to die for our sins. All the activities and events, all the traditions and celebrations should point to that one event. The death and resurrection of Christ are the most important events in human history, but they were set in motion the day He was born. All of Christ’s life on earth led inexorably to the cross, but his incarnation was the start of it, and if our observations of the holiday don’t reflect that, we are simply indulging ourselves, not glorifying Him. If we are so busy in our pursuit of some emotional ideal, we are also not glorifying Him; we are glorifying some abstract concept we have created in our own hearts.

So I encourage you all this season: by all means observe the traditions and partake in the events that help you celebrate the “tidings of great joy,” that the birth of Christ represents. But don’t let the celebrations themselves become more important to you than the One you celebrate. When you have hit your threshold of busy-ness, stop. Don’t let the joy of the Christmas season be swamped with activity or weighed down with anxiety. Glorify our Lord, because He began a great work the day He took on human flesh, to be born in a manger. And may everything you do to observe that day be an offering of praise to the One who gave so much that we may be His own.

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Helping the Hurt (Focus On Grace, November 2013)

Posted on August 10, 2014 by DHawthorne

When I was a teenager, I had a classmate who had some kind of a problem with me. At the time, I didn’t have any idea why, but he always had a bad attitude towards me, and often attempted to bully me. It didn’t work. He seemed to think I was too wimpy to defend myself: I was the geeky, smart kid in school, so he felt like he should be able to push me around. Twice in the years that we knew each other, it went as far as a physical altercation, and both times I humiliated him in front of the rest of our classmates. I never pressed the issue, I just shut his aggression down in a way that made it obvious he couldn’t beat me, and both times were very public. After the second incident, he left me alone. But he never liked me, and the feeling was mutual. We were distantly polite, and that was as much as could be asked for; I never saw or heard of him after high school, until very recently.

In the summer of 2013, I came across his obituary. I was a bit stunned and curious what happened, so I looked him up on Facebook. And I saw post after post of people saying what a great guy he was, a great friend, an asset to the community, and a valued coworker. One post particularly touched me, from a teenaged niece of his, emotionally saying how much she was going to miss her favorite uncle.

The first thing I thought was, “this isn’t the guy that I knew,” and the second thing that followed right after was, “what a shame that we never got past the stupid kid stuff to know each other as adults.” Now, I realize people will often put the recently departed on a pedestal, but I couldn’t help but think I missed something. I never got to know the man he became, I never shared Christ with him. The kid I knew wouldn’t have listened, he would have mocked me for it. But what of the man?

It’s probably true that anyone who isn’t a complete hermit has someone, or any number of someones, who doesn’t like them. The challenge is knowing why, and whether you can actually do something about it. This classmate of mine, I never wronged before he started up against me. Looking back, I recognize all the symptoms of a young person feeling insecure, and thinking the only way to boost himself in his own eyes was to put someone else down. In my case, he wrongly thought he picked an easy target for that put-down. But his hurtfulness grew out of his own hurt. And I think that’s true of a great majority of people who treat others badly; it’s a injury they carry around inside themselves, and don’t know any better way to deal with it than to lash out at others.

Which begs the question, what can you do about this kind of difficult person in your life? The very first thing to enter my mind is what Christ said in Matthew 5:39 – “But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” This is often cited as a pacifist thing, that Christ is saying you should never meet violence with violence, but I think that’s too simplistic. And the reason I say that is the verses that follow after, where Christ speaks of loving your enemies, blessing those who curse you, and praying for those who spitefully use you (Matt. 5:44). Is Jesus saying that those who behave badly should go unchallenged, and allowed to continue unchecked that way? No, He speaks of loving them. Love seeks to do what is best for the one who is loved (I Cor. 13:5b). And that can only mean when you are wronged, not to respond in kind, but to look beyond the wrong and try to see the need … and seeing the need, if it is in your power to meet it, to do so.

It is not always possible. Sometimes, like me as a teenager, you can’t even identify what the problem is, much less meet it. Sometimes, this person is so wrapped up in themselves that nothing short of an act of God will get through to them. And sometimes, it’s simply not in your power to ease the hurt … but in all these cases, it is certainly within Christ’s. Hence the injunction to pray for them. Hence the injunction to love them … as Christ loved you. And loving others always means being able to look beyond your own hurt, do whatever you can for them, and let God do the rest.

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