There is an expression I heard, many, many years ago; I have oft repeated it myself, mostly after observing a young child bouncing off the walls, or a teenager waxing rhapsodic over plans for the weekend. It goes: "Why is youth wasted on the young?" Young people have such a surfeit of energy and drive, and so little idea how to effectively apply it.
I had the opportunity to apply the adage to my own younger self the other day. I was engaged in some Spring Cleaning, and was going through an old trunk. Amongst other things, I found a stack of photographs, pretty much from the same time period. Though they contained a fair representation of all my friends of the time, and the things we did together, one young lady appeared in several shots that were clearly meant to capture her, with no other consideration in mind.
It might be said that I had a crush on that girl, but it wasn’t strictly true in the way that term is usually used. I liked her; I was very interested in the possibility of a relationship with her; but that could be said of several young ladies at the time. She was just one I focused on more than the others. And I focused on her rather relentlesly, for several years before she decisively rebuffed me and I moved on.
The thing is, I was completely clueless as to how to start a relationship. Most likely my efforts were doomed from the start … she was just a teenager, and I was in my early twenties. Ironically, my wife is that much younger than me, but she was much older when I met her. At this age, I was an old man to this girl, and more than likely, my inexpert attentions drove her away rather more than attracted her. Yet I persisted: wasted youthful energy … wasted youthful drive.
There is another salient expression: "If only I knew then what I knew now …" If that were the case, I would have been content from the start just to be friends with this girl. It’s entirely possible I could have founded a romance with her, if I had been more confident, if I had been more direct, if I had been more patient in some ways and considerably less in others. But that’s all wisdom I have learned since, and no small amount of it from my failures with her. But I also would have recognized that there were several other young ladies who would have loved to make better aquaintance with me. I learned years later, far too late, of these interests. But I was focused too much on just a few, the few who didn’t really want that much to do with me. And the upshot is I might have been far less miserable, and I could have enjoyed my youth so much more, if I only just knew a few things better than I did …
Or would I? That’s what I have been thinking about the most. Both myself and the young lady are happily married now (and not to each other, in case anyone was thinking this is that kind of story). It worked out for us, in the end. And I could not imagine myself being happy with some of the other girls that had an interest in me; yet, if I had known, I would have paid them more attention than I did, and it may not have turned out well. I thought myself wise at the time, but an older wisdom tells me this: when passion knocks at the door, reason often gets locked in the closet. It’s just as well I was a bit clueless.
So is youth really "wasted" on the young? No, they need all that extra energy simply to survive what their lack of experience puts them through. Older people have the reputation of being less resilient; but I have found that in most cases, they are capable of doing what they must when unusual circumstances come upon them. They simply don’t launch themselves into those unusual situations willy-nilly, because they know better. They have a better idea when to quit, and even when to push forward … and they don’t require a constant flux of emotional energy to get them through the bad choices.
Looking back, I wouldn’t want to go through again what my youthful inexperience once led me to. I probably couldn’t manage it; I don’t have the reserves for that kind of thing. Thankfully, I don’t need them.